Wednesday, 22 January 2014

The New Year Project: Learning to Love My Body

I went through a phase of trying to avoid mirrors as much as possible, but at the same time, trying to make myself feel better about the way I looked by constantly buying clothes. I felt uncomfortable whenever someone pulled out a camera, and I tried to hide behind my friends when I could. It was some mean feat, seeing as I was taller (not to mention wider) than most of my friends.

I used to hate my stomach, my thighs, the jiggling bits on my arms. Since I've started trying to become a more positive person, I've been slowly learning to love and respect my body. I have a long way to go yet. I saw a photo of myself taken over the weekend, and I just wanted to curl up and cry. I could not find a single nice thing to say about how I looked. And lately, I've been unhappy with parts of my face.

Please don't get me wrong. This isn't about me fishing for compliments, or asking for attention. I'm not asking for advice either. I know what I should do and I know what is good for me and what is bad. I've managed to get down to 70kgs before and I know I can do it again.

I'm trying to change. I'm trying to understand that I only have one body, one life to live, and that it's a gift that I should care for. I am complete, I have nothing to complain about. I can change most of the things that I am unhappy with, by exercising. I acknowledge that it was nobody's fault but mine. I also acknowledge that what I want to achieve takes time, and a whole lot of hard work. I've neglected my body and my health for so many years, and so it will take some time and effort to repair the damage I've done to it.

In the wise words of Maya Angelou: "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."

What don't you like about your body? What steps can you take towards accepting, and maybe loving, your body?

take care,

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  1. Love the Maya Angelou quote, Toni! It sounds like "The Serenity Prayer" to me. :O)

  2. Amanda Papenfus Eatherly22 January 2014 at 23:51

    Never been a fan of my nose but I have gotten more accepting of it over the years (especially now that I'm out of secondary school and not getting made fun of for it lol. I actually posted at one point about being cool with it on a site that is devoted to big noses (who knew those existed lol).

    I go back and forth between hating my teeth too. I had braces but my teeth moved when my wisdom teeth came in. I got Invisalign, but I forgot my retainer on vacation and then my dog chewed it when I got back and by the time I got a replacement it was too tight and we were moving overseas. I tried wearing it for a long time hoping to get used to it enough to let them settle but they'd already shifted too much so now I'm just trying to get used to them as they are. If my husband can be happy with my smile as it is, so can I :)

  3. I have noticed, especially since starting this blog and taking so many pictures of myself, I have begun to dislike aspects of my body/face that I never noticed or minded before. I know this is in my head so sometimes I literally tell myself to shut the fuck up. I'm trying to be a better friend to myself.

  4. Argh yes! I had braces for nearly 3 years because, yes, my teeth were THAT bad. Then my wisdom teeth came out and now it looks like my front teeth are crooked. Seriously, I just want to cry since it means I'll have to look at getting them fixed again. I've been looking at Invisalign, but the problem in living in such a little "city" is that, well, I may have to go into the next "city" that's an hour away to go to an orthodontist. Hmph.

  5. Awww that was so sweet! Thank you.

  6. I liked Invisalign, but I'm glad I lived pretty close to my dentist since you have to go back every couple weeks for different retainers. I liked it a lot better than regular braces though.

  7. Thanks for this great post, Toni! I just found you through Melyssa (The Nectar Collective) and I can really connect with what you're saying in this particular post. I feel like I could have written exactly the same words. I also cringe when I see full-body photos of myself and I kind of lie to myself and think that that's not REALLY what I look like. But you're totally right in the fact that it's my fault I've let it come this far and only I can make a change if I want to see a change. Words of wisdom right there :) But we can do this!! I've started going to Zumba classes once a week and I want to start going twice a week. I might also start with Pilates. I'm trying to drink at least 2L of water a day and trying to cut down on sugary drinks since those are pure evil (but sometimes the yummiest thing in the world!) and trying to eat more fruits and veggies (which I actually really LIKE but sometimes they're not EASY and FAST to prepare). So how are you progressing?? I'd love to know :) xx from Switzerland!

  8. Oops sorry Michelle looks like I've managed to miss quite a few comments. I've been having problems with my inbox recently!

    Thank you so much for your kind words about my post, and the encouragement as well. How are your Zumba classes going? I had a bit of a slip for the past 2 weeks, but trying to get back on track now. Fingers crossed! You're right. We can do this! :D